Today my Oldest Starts First Grade

“Can I use my headphones on my iPad and listen to music?” my oldest asked yesterday.

“I thought you guys were having a dance party in your room?”

“Yeah, but my sisters want to go play now.”

“Why not listen to music without headphones, so every one can still join in?”

“Because. I just want to use them.”

The next time I passed her by she was sitting on the couch, iPad by her side, mint-green headphones over a gently bopping head. Her eyes were closed as she sung a song I didn’t know, flexing her toes back and fourth in a rhythmic tap. I stopped what I was doing to stare.

Who was this teenager? What was she listening to?! Where was my baby girl?

There’s a loose, printed 8 x 11” photo in my office of my oldest as a newborn, our sleepy foreheads pressed together, my finger in her hand. My uncle immediately mailed it to me when he saw the photo in our family chat, said it deserved to be hung up. For seven years, I’ve been meaning to hang it up. The way time passes.

“Penelope still needs to be cuddled to sleep,” my husband said last night. “She’s about to be seven.”

“No!” I said to the disapproval in his voice. “I want to always cuddle her to sleep.”

Today, she starts first grade. How very overwhelming.